When Your Brain Tells You To Buy Berries…

I’ve made a pact with myself that for a week, just a week, I was not going to post anything with a negative slant online. I’ve had some negativity enter my life recently and I’ve found myself buying into its influence more than I’m comfortable with. I felt like if I could watch what I post online, it would be a start.

Let me first say that I already avoid confrontation and drama. There are certain topics that I will not discuss in a public forum.  I learned my lesson on that a long time ago. The conversations that Chad and I have on any given Wednesday? They would make heads spin, but those conversations are not privy to public places. This system has worked well for me, so it will continue.

There are things, however that do come up where I want to, and do say “Ugh!” or “Yuck!” or “WHY??” Those are the things I’m trying to rein in. They’re little things that nobody probably cares about anyhow. Sometimes, I just have to vent. I’ll never understand the phenomenon of such, I don’t think we’re meant to. Life goes on. Upon realizing this, and knowing that my brain very well may explode if I don’t “get it out” somehow, I’ve decided to challenge myself to find the positives in the situation and dwell on those instead.

So let me wax positive on today.

I had a great doctor’s appointment. She’s proud of how well I’ve come off of my medications and a screening showed nothing underlying that the old medicine may have been masking. She has deemed me good to go for now and instead of three months, I see her again in six. That alone is a sign of progress. My bank account sighs in relief.

On my way home, I had a few minutes layover between buses. The stop is at one of those big box grocery and television emporiums. As we pulled into the stop, my brain started talking.

“Hey. You forgot strawberries at the store yesterday. You could go get some. Oh, and some almonds! You’ve been wanting those. Would make a good lunch.”

And I told it no. I had spent enough on the doctor’s visit (the joys of having a doctor you trust, but who does not take your insurance.) and I should just wait for my bus outside. Don’t take the chance of missing it.

“It’ll be fine. You have half an hour, dummy. Go buy some strawberries. And almonds. OOOOOH the CHOCOLATE ones! I’m talking lunch here!”

No, brain, there’s leftovers I can microwave for lunch. And burritos- those frozen burritos that petrify easily but are still rather tasty, I have those at home.

“Well, then. Okay. But you’re at least going to have to go inside to go to the bathroom.”

No, I’m… Dammit. I forgot. You control everything. Even my bladder.

It was then that I heard my brain snicker. It knew it had won.

So of course, I went inside. First, I took care of my needs. Then, I bought the strawberries and the almonds and made it back outside in time to catch my bus home. Home. I was ready to curl up on the sofa and relax.

I opened the door to an oven.

Chad had mentioned that it felt warm this morning. He was up writing in the night and said the thermometer read seventy-nine degrees. We always turn the air conditioning down at night, so he didn’t think much of it. He just opened the back door and wrote in the cool of the night air. He’s smart like that. Remembering all of this, I looked at the thermostat. Seventy-four. The thermometer? Eighty.

Shit.

Here is where I could have let everything go sideways. We’ve had issues with our air conditioning almost as long as we’ve lived here. Maintenance finally  found the key issue a few years ago and we’ve been comfortable ever since. This has been the longest we’ve gone without a problem. I spot checked all of the normal things that have gone wrong and called the landlord. She said they’d be by this afternoon to make the repairs. I began to panic because someone was coming into my house. There was a problem, I was hot, there were dishes in the sink and SOMEONE WAS COMING TO MY HOUSE! THEY’LL SEE THE DIRTY DISHES AND THROW US OUT AFTER THIRTEEN YEARS!! AND IT’S TOO DAMN HOT TO LIVE!!

Then I took a deep breath. Shut up, brain. Let’s look at this positively. While my brain did make me have to go to the bathroom again (jerk) I was able to come up with the following:

I’m positive about what kind of things to look for to convey to the maintenance man regarding the problem. I’ve checked the breakers, know that nothing is iced up, that everything inside is operational and everything outside is not. That will be a help.

I’m positive that the problem will be fixed.

I’m positive that my kitchen is now clean. Trash is out, the few dishes in the sink are done and put away and it doesn’t look like a band of rogue squirrels could emerge at any moment to steal your soul and finish up your carcass.

I’m positive that it wasn’t that bad to begin with.

I’m positive squirrels wouldn’t do that anyhow.

I’m positive that opening the back door and the living room windows will air out the house and be refreshing. Heaven knows how long it’s been since they’ve been open. I hear fresh air does a person good from time to time.

I’m positive that the carpet looks much better vacuumed.

I’m positive that despite the fact that it’s hot in here, I have a nice, cool lunch in the form of berries and almonds waiting for me. I could even add cream if I wanted to. That’s just how awesomely positive I am right now.

And I’m positive that the next time my brain says “Go buy some strawberries!” I’ll listen a bit closer.

Right now, it’s telling me I need to go back to the bathroom.

Jerk.

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